Shitty MS Paint Autobiographies: My Trip to Ghostbusters 2

It was 1989. Life was good for me. Though my favorite decade was coming to a close, I had one awesome experience on the horizon. I was gonna see Ghostbusters 2! Now, this isn’t going to be a review of the movie. Nope. It’s going to be a sort of autobiography. You see, my childhood trip to see Ghostbusters 2 is laden with trauma. It’s nothing as serious as a robbery or an earthquake, but the experience was memorable all the same.

To help bring the experience to life for you, the reader, I’ve decided to present it in an illustrated story format. Unfortunately, I didn’t have the foresight to make a visual chronicle of the day in question when all this was going on. So I’m going to have to make due with what I’ve got. But fear not, reader! Through the magic of some less-than-rudimentary MS Paint skills, you’ll feel like you’re actually there!

Thus, I hereby present the cast of characters in this retelling of my traumatic childhood trip to see Ghostbusters 2: Ernie Hudson will play the part of myself, in honor of his inclusion in the Ghostbusters 2 cast. Playing the role of my dad will be a stuffed Fozzie Bear. And, finally, the role of the unscrupulous theater clerk will be given to none other than Skeletor.

It all started with my dad’s proclamation that he would be taking me to see Ghostbusters 2. I couldn’t have been happier. By the late 1980’s, Ghostbuster-mania was still going pretty strong. I’d been pretty excited about the new movie, and now I was actually going to get to see it! Hopping in my dad’s old blue Chevette, we made our way to the neighborhood movie theater. I happily sat in the passenger’s seat while my dad was given the unenviable task of trying to find a parking spot downtown.

Finally discovering what I’m sure was an illegal parking spot by the bank across the street, we disembarked from the car. That’s where the trouble began. As was my custom at the time, I got out of the car and proceeded to slam the door shut as hard as possible. As was also my custom at the time, I wasn’t paying very close attention to what I was doing. This was a recipe for disaster.

Before I knew it, the door had slammed shut on my pinky finger. Now, I’m not sure many people are aware of this, but the door to a 1980’s Chevette weighs about 3,000 pounds. I was trapped. The damn thing wouldn’t open back up, and my precious pinky finger was stuck inside. What was I to do?

Finally, with some fatherly heroics, my dad was able to get the door open, freeing my mangled digit. Without danger of exaggeration, I can tell you that it was every bit as agonizing as the picture makes it seem.

Fortunately, my dad was a quick thinker. He figured that I could soothe my aching pinky in a cup of ice. Across the street we went, into the theater. Once inside, my dad and I encountered the theater worker manning the concession stand. My dad explained the situation and presented my horrific little finger as evidence of our plight. Don’t let the calm expression on Ernie Hudson’s face fool you…I was still in terrific pain at this point.

And that’s when it happened. After my dad asked for a cup of ice to let his young son relax his aching finger in, the theater worker did the unthinkable. He actually CHARGED us for a cup of ice! Clearly, he was of an evil breed.

My dad’s a man of principle. But, sometimes you’ve just gotta take one for the team. He begrudgingly paid for the cup of ice, bought us our tickets, and we made our way into the theatre. All through the movie, I held my pinky in the cup of ice. Despite the aching pain, the movie was entertaining enough to take my mind off of the situation.

Nowadays, whenever I watch Ghostbusters 2, I’m reminded of the lessons I learned that day. It was my first exposure to the unscrupulous greedy nature of the movie theater industry. No, I don’t use that as an excuse to go downloading movies illegally off the internet. But it does make me feel justified in waiting until some movies are in the $5.00 bin at Wal-Mart before I’ll give them a chance. I also learned another important lesson…make sure you’re careful when shutting the car door.

And there you have it…a classic tale of a young boy’s excitement, marred by his harrowing encounter with a Chevette door and an evil concession stand worker. Action, drama, a moral, and even a happy ending. You can’t ask for much more than that. And best of all, you didn’t even have to go to the movies and pay to see it. Take THAT, Tally Ho theatres!